2014 Reading: A Father's Story

Alright, so I saw this one on the shelf at work and I knew in my heart that I could not pass it up even though I had already started on another book. But, come on... You know how much I love serial killers, right?

Right?!

If you were to ask me which of them I prefer, which one I am the fond, which I can semi-identify with (though not all the way because as the last book pointed out: not a sociopath. remember?), I would definitively tell you, without doubt or hesitation, Jeffrey Dahmer.

I have certain feelings about why Jeff did what he did and I was happy/surprised to see that his father Lionel, the author of the book, came up with some of the same conclusions. There was a particular passage near the end of the book that described my feelings perfectly.

This dread of people leaving him had been at the

root of more than one of Jeff's murders.  In general, Jeff

had simply wanted to "keep" people permanently, to

hold them fixedly within his grasp.  He had wanted to

make them literally a part of him, a permanent part,

utterly inseparable from himself.  It was a mania that

had begun with fantasies of unmoving bodies, and

proceeded to his practice of drugging men in bath-

houses, then on to murder, and finally, to cannibal-

ism, by which practice Jeff had hoped to ensure that

his victims would never leave him, that they would be

part of him forever. (p 216)

The whole part about wanting to keep someone as a part of you forever...

...Doesn't that sound exactly like nearly ever book, movie, and song describes love?

That's one of the main reasons why I find Dahmer so interesting. (The movie with Jeremy Renner helped as well. If you have not seen it, I suggest you do.) I have had feelings similar to this (without the cannibalism or any of the creepy bits) but to keep someone so close that you almost seem to become one. It's what most people dream about. Jeff (because I feel like we're intimate enough to be on a first name basis) just found a way that worked for him but didn't exactly work for the rest of the world.

Now, before you write me off as a sick hybristophiliac (look it up), I do not condone anything done by him or any other killer. I just get it, okay? I get it.

It was clear that this book was written and published before Jeff was murdered in prison, but I honestly don't know if that makes it better or worse that his father put this out into the world. There are the certainly expected passages of "What did I do wrong?" coming from Lionel in this book, as you might expect from the father of someone who does horrible things, but I found that I was not put off by it as much as I thought I would. Usually, I find the words of parents, friends, etc. completely self-aggrandizing and unnecessary, however, I thought this book was a little bit better than that. It gave me some insight into the family that I would not otherwise have had. 

(Yet another reason I feel comfortable calling Jeff by his first name. We're BFFs like that.)