2014 Reading: The Treatment

When you find out the explanations for the outbreak of suicides and depression, it kind of makes sense. We are giving antidepressants to kids at younger and younger ages and it has to have some type of impact on the chemical make-up of kids over time. And then, like evolution, it gets passed on to their kids and so on and so on until the pill is not going to be enough, because they didn't really need it in the first place. Not to mention that yes, most antidepressants can actually bring on MORE suicidal tendencies. Who needs that in their system when they're already depressed? Why would you want it in your system when you're NOT depressed? I know that this is a work of fiction, but this might be a legitimate thing that could happen in the future. Not the Program part, because that would be insane to think about, but the outbreak thing. Of course, with the way the world is, they would just make the drugs stronger and stronger until no one could feel anything anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I take antidepressants. Because I actually need them. But, you have to admit that doctors are just giving pills out to anyone who comes into their offices like throwing medication at it will make them go away. I tried therapy first, then medication, then I tried getting myself off the medication. I ended up having multiple breakdowns, slept 14 hours a day, and basically gave up on my own life (at the same time scaring the shit out of my parents and friends). In the end, the medication was the best thing for me. But at least I tried other things first. I didn't WANT to be on medication. Ask anyone, I HATE having my life and happiness depend on a pill every day. But without it, I cease to function. Literally. I just stop.

I am definitely not saying that now I am the epitome of mental health. Far from it. But I have a job and I get up every day. I even manage to socialize every once in a while. Sort of.

I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into a personal account of my pathetic life, but this book duo made me think about myself a little bit. I found myself mentally telling the characters "Hey, get over it." when I know for a fact that it's not that easy. That's what people have been telling me for years and I know how it looks from both sides now.

All in all, I really enjoyed these books.

2014 Reading: The Program

I saw these on the shelf and I thought "Huh..." so I decided to try them out. I'm glad I did.

The subject matter is kind of weird to me, but I think that's what makes me like it so much. It describes depression and suicide as this contractable disease that spreads through teenagers like mono. Where just being exposed to it can put you on alert because you WILL get it next, no exceptions. Having been through some depression, I know that it doesn't work that way. But, still... sometimes looking at it this way, I feel like this is how the rest of society looks at it (the people who are idiots anyway). I don't think the concept of the story is bad, though. It's a lot deeper than that.

It sort of reminded me of my thoughts on Carrie Fisher's second book where she talks about how ECT has helped her a lot, but it also makes gaps in her memory. The premise of "The Program" is basically the exact same. They want to take away all the things that might have been triggers for depression, but when you come right down to it, those triggers might be in everything around you, even the happy things.  So if you get rid of them, what is left? Do you just go on and start again, not remembering ANYTHING from before? Will you never really know who you are again? Forget all the people you've met and relationships you've had, good and bad?

Would that really be the best thing? I would think that a person would be even more depressed after something like that. If I were to wake up tomorrow and not remember who my friends are (or were back in high school), if I could never remember falling in love for the first time (and the heartbreak that came with it), if I forgot pets or vacations or books and movies... I think that above everything else would be the thing that would make me close to ending everything. Because the past is what makes you who you are. Without that, you're just an empty shell.

I don't think I could handle that.

I guess some people wouldn't mind the chance to start over with a clean slate. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to focus on...  Plus, there's the whole underlying moral of the book that true love can last through anything, even the loss of memories, but still... I tend to focus on the weird/darker things before I can get it into my head that I'm just supposed to be entertained.

There's a sequel, which I have just started so I know that I might have more on this subject, but those are the things that I'm thinking of right now.