2014 Reading: I Never Promised You A Rose Garden

I went into this book having no idea whatsoever of its subject matter. And I was very glad.

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden by Hannah Green (or Johanna Greenberg, depending on where you find it) has been on my shelf for years, sitting there collecting dust.  I think it was another one of those that I bought at a used book sale and then never looked at again.  As it turns out, I am really happy that I never threw it away without looking at it.

I've read lots of books on the idea of mental illness and what it might look like from the perspective of someone who suffers, but this one was unique.  I found elements of all different kinds within the head of the main character; from schizophrenia, sociopathy, disassociation, delusions... I know I'm not an expert and I nevere pretend to be, but vast amounts of reading will help you pick up on things. (A little time in therapy personally didn't hurt, either).

"The horror of the Pit lay in the emergence from it, with the return of her will, her caring, and her feeling of the need for meaning before the return of meaning itself." (p 31)

The main theme that I seemed to pick up was the fact that this girl's worlds (plural) were battling each other for dominance in her life.  She used the imaginary world as an escape from the horrors of the real world and was therefore not... present... most of the time.

There were some good points made in this book that fit in most of the ideals that most people hold when talking about psychological problems, especially dealing with those of self-mutilation.

"[...] I once had a patient who used to practice the most horrible tortures on himself, and when I asked him why he did such things, he said, 'Why, before the world does then,' I asked him then, 'Why not wait and see what the world will do,' and he said, 'Don't you see? It always comes at last, but this way at least I am master of my own destruction.'" (p 42)

In the end, I think what the author was trying to prove was that the real world can be scary sometimes and even painful, but one must endure it because the fantasy world that we create to escape to can become just as harmful because it creates a barrier and sometimes even numbs us to the world, throwing everything into dull grey.  When the main character finally lets the real world come back to her, she is so overwhelmed with color and feeling that she decides though the real world has hurt her since an early age, it's worth being in because the fantasy she created started to become cruel and manipulative.

But, besides all that, it was just really well written.

I think there was actually a movie made of this book. I'm anxious to see that.