2014 Reading: The Journey Out

I don't remember why I have it or where I got it (though it's most likely from a book sale my first year of college when I wanted to read all the things) but yesterday I read and finished The Journey Out: A Guide For and About Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Teens by Rachel Pollack and Cheryl Schwartz. It has been sitting on the shelf since I bought it, most likely confusing those who bother to look at my shelves and wonder why I have such a book in my possession.

Not gay, by the way. Just a big supporter.

Though most of the information in the book is cliche and outdated (it was published in 1995), it was still pretty valid.  It's mostly one of those self-help books that lets you overcome curtain things in your life, like those "How To Deal With Death" books or something like that.  HOWEVER, just like every other self-help book, it is EXACTLY the same as EVERY OTHER SELF-HELP BOOK.

It has the same one-size-fits-all advice that you could give to anyone in just about any situation, it just happened to have more LGBT friendly jargon in it.  I'm not saying that is a bad thing or that I would not recommend the book to anyone looking for advice in this area, but the problem with it being so outdated is that the information it has can be found just about anywhere in mass quantities without need for a little book to tell you what to do and give you the confidence to do it.

I also would like to think that times have changed in the past nine years (maybe not as much as we all would like) for some of these things to be understood without being said.  However, there are always exceptions and at the time of its publishing, I'm sure this book was useful and relevant and helped many people who needed it. I hope.

There is one quote that I'd like to share, something that can be advice to anyone and everyone, no matter the sexual orientation.

"A loving relationship with another person is based on your relationship with yourself." (p39)

I wish I'd have known that in my last few... no, ALL of my relationships.

I think I'm going to keep this book on my shelf a while longer. Maybe someday I'll be able to pass it on to someone to show that someone understands.  I want to be that person.

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Hellraiser (franchise)

Having never seen these movies before, or reading the book, I went in with a good attitude.  I fully expected shitty graphics, bad acting, and messed up reasonings behind actions.

I was not disappointed.

We begin with the original 'Hellraiser' from 1987.

 Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996)

Hellriaser V: Inferno (2000)

Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker (2002)

Hellraiser VII: Deader (2005)

Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld (2005)

Hellraiser IX: Revelations (2011)

Needless to say, I was not thrilled with the new remake.

Officially, this has become my favorite series (despite having not seen a lot at this point). I love Doug Bradley and I think that I want his voice in my brain at all times telling me to do things and then saying that I am a good girl and I deserve a reward...

...

What?

The S&M aspect of the movies appeals to my sense of sensuality in pain and I feel like this is one of those movies where the "bad guys" are really more under appreciated and blamed for giving people what they ask for even if they don't think of the consequences of their wishes.

Call me, Doug!

2014 Reading: Blood and Circumstance

So, I made it a mission to keep track of all the books I read this year. Because I read A LOT.  I had been throwing around the idea of doing something for it on my YouTube channel, but then I just figured that since I hate being in front of the camera as it is (as you can tell from my stellar performances in my vlogs so far), I might as well just do them on the blog.  I'm being all gung-ho about it right now anyway, but don't worry, that might change after inevitable failure.

The first thing I decided to read (something small so that I could just get my brain back in gear after finishing The Butcher Boy which made me hate POV/stream-of-conscious/British people, and if you know me, you know I LOVE those things most of the time) was Blood and Circumstance by Frank Turner Hollon, who, I did not know until I finished the book, is a lawyer in Alabama. The more you know.

I found myself really enjoying this book. It was a quick read (I would have finished it sooner had I not attempted a social life and also gotten distracted by episodes of 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents') and turned out to have some of my favorite subjects tied into it without being too gory. (I like serial killers, let's be honest.)

For me, this book tied in themes of religion, philosophy, as well as mental illness, and just plain psychosis and the power of the mind within harsh situations.  It got straight to the point without being too succinct, but also had just enough detail to be relatable and intriguing.

...and doesn't THAT sound like something that a book reviewer might say?

Ugh, whatever. I still liked the book.  It had some parts that I really identified with, such as the subjects on God and the possibility that life ultimately has no meaning except to the individual, and the all around pessimistic life view that I have was mirrored by the main character.

I've taken the habit of marking pages that I find interesting or arousing (mentally as well as physically) in the books that I read and there are three particular sections that stood out to me while reading that I thought I might share.  It's not my intention to give away any spoilers for the book, but I really wanted to point out some of the things that I loved about reading this novel.

"'You know, how do we really know anyway?  How do 

we know that when I see red, it's the same red you see?  

Why is it we believe there only one realty, and not a different 

world through different eyes?  It's comforting to 

believe there's one truth, but who the hell can really say 

what's rational to me was rational to Danny?" (p75)

This reminded me of so many discussions in Philosophy class.

"[...] There are three groups of

people.  All of us fall into one of the categories.  There are

certain people who will fuck up their lives no matter

what.  There are certain people who will succeed no matter

what.  And then there's everybody else, all those people

who will fuck up or succeed depending on the place in

this life, their parents, circumstances beyond their control.

  Victims, or beneficiaries, of the world." (p112)

Now, that's just me every day of the week.  I like to think I fall into the third category, but moments (a lot of them) tell me that I might be in the first category.  It's a sad thing to think about yourself, but maybe that's just my reality; the way I see my own reality.

"[...] It's just the idea of God doesn't fit.  If time and space are infinite, 

and nothing we do really matters, why would 

God put us in such a place?  And if we're required to recognize

 the bleak reality to survive, and then take the next 

step to self-reliance, where is God in all that?  I'm not a 

devil worshipper.  I'm a realist." (p129)

I've never really been religious, even though I was brought up in a Catholic household (not strict or anything), but this is a question that I've heard a lot, whether it be from friends of mine who are atheist or just my own head when I'm thinking too hard about life when I'm stuck in self-misery (often).

There are no real answers that I can gain from this book, but it was a very good read and I would recommend this to anyone who listens.

While trying not to give away anything, I'll leave you with one final quote which, I think, hit me the hardest:

"We're sympathetic, and then it's time to eat.  We're

overcome with sadness for another, and then we fall

asleep.  Cancer, suicide, heart attacks, car wrecks, shootings,

are just the way of the world.  We pretend we're

shocked, but we're not.  Deep inside, not matter how

buried we are in comforts and stability, we know the

world is a dangerous and unpredictable place to be." (p156)

Thoughts?

New Year Update

Happy New Year!

I've updated everyone (those who actually bother to read) of the new (forgotten) blog situation and I make some resolutions that I may or may not keep for the coming year.

I want to talk about everything with everyone!

I've got some entries scheduled to come out in the next couple of days and I hope to catch up with all the stuff that I want to share with the world.

'Pretty in Pink' Rant

You know, something has bothered me about "Pretty in Pink" for a while now. At first, it was just the whole cliche about the wrong side of the tracks girl/rich guy angle that all John Hughes movies seem to feature, but then I thought some more about it.

This is a horrible movie. Not the acting or the quality of the film, just the concept. This girl, under unfortunate circumstances, is basically being stalked by three different people with three different intensities.

Duckie, the most blatant of those, follows her everywhere, watching her every move. He admittedly rides by her house several times a day to check on her obsessively, does not approve of her associating with anyone other than himself or others he feels are worthy, calls her constantly, talks to himself, and seems to just have no concept of reality. BUT, since he hides it behind being adorable and quirky, everyone watching the movie (myself included for a while) just melts at his seeming harmless misfortune and some go as far as to say he should have gotten the girl.

Steff, the "villain" of the movie is only obvious to the main character. He pursues her in private, mostly just for sex because he cares too much for his reputation to actually be SEEN with her in a social capacity. When rebuffed, he puts in motion plans to make her life more difficult in a classic "if-I-can't-have-you-no-on-can" effort.

BUT, Blane also fits into this category, if on a different level. His pursuit of Andy was also private. Hacking school computers to talk in private, and though he attempts to take her to one of the parties in his social class (which, from one perspective could be seen as just an act to gain her trust), after that, the relationship goes undercover, isolating Andy from her family and friends (except the aforementioned Duckie, who would have known because of his stalking anyway). He makes her feel special (seemingly because someone of his standing chose her despite her upbringing and financial situation) only to abandon her in favor of keeping appearances with his clique. We feel happy at the end of the movie because he runs after her, but what we really fail to think about is that he does this ALONE and away from all the other people at the prom (both rich and poor alike) and still has the ability and opportunity to continue to manipulate her in the future. But we like him as the hero of the movie because he is the lesser of two evils (or the quieter of three evils, if you will).

Now, it occurred to me while watching this movie tonight (for about the thousandth time) that I have dated both a "Duckie" and a "Steff." Neither of which were pleasant experiences. So, I feel at least 2/3rds qualified to make these statements. I know that some people may disagree with me or think I am reading too much into it, but they are entitled to their opinions just as I am entitled to mine. This in no way means that I do not love the movie, because I do and I always have and probably always will.

I need a life.

(This was originally posted on my Facebook in October and I thought I'd share it.)

Bio Vlog and an Unimportant Announcement.

I've decided to just upload all the videos and stuff with scheduled updates! (This goes back to that whole lazy thing).

Someday I shall be all caught up and can then begin posting new videos as I make them... 

Some day.

As for the horror movie thing. I think what I am going to do until I get all caught up is to just post all of a franchise at once. So, sometime in the near future (when I remember to get around to it) I'll post all of the Hellraiser critique pics I made and maybe a short summary of my thoughts on the movies.

Meh.

Combining the Meager Efforts of the Lazy...

Right, so...

I've established that I really suck at keeping up with blogs and vlogs, Facebook entries, Tumblr and Tweets...

But I'm trying, damnit.

I've decided to dredge this blog back up and maybe make a concerted effort. Blame Wil Wheaton or something (I usually do).  I wanted to combine my YouTube vlog with this page and also bring some of the other things I'm doing on my Facebook.  I realize that if I just take all of those separate things that I've been doing sporadically and put them all in one place, they become a semi-regular thing that people could ignore at the same time!

I don't know whether I should just lump everything here at once, or maybe do them one at a time and drag it out like the limp corpse that it is. Meh. I'll do whatever's easiest. Because I'm lazy.

So very very lazy.

OKAY! So, I've had my YouTube vlog thingy type deal for a while. I mainly talk about the nerdy stuff that I like to watch on TV and show the world how pathetic my life is and how much I have still not accomplished with my time.

This is my very first video on the vlog:

Along with that, I have been setting a personal goal for myself to watch all of the really shitty 1980's horror movies I missed as a child along with all (yes, I said ALL) of their sequels. What else am I supposed to do with my unemployed time? Now, that has been going on in my Facebook and nowhere else. So why not put it up with a wider distribution for people to not see it?

The first franchise I delved into was Hellraiser (Don't worry, the pictures get better after this one):

So, that's it! Maybe I'll just start putting everything up here. Thoughts?