2014 Reading: The Treatment

When you find out the explanations for the outbreak of suicides and depression, it kind of makes sense. We are giving antidepressants to kids at younger and younger ages and it has to have some type of impact on the chemical make-up of kids over time. And then, like evolution, it gets passed on to their kids and so on and so on until the pill is not going to be enough, because they didn't really need it in the first place. Not to mention that yes, most antidepressants can actually bring on MORE suicidal tendencies. Who needs that in their system when they're already depressed? Why would you want it in your system when you're NOT depressed? I know that this is a work of fiction, but this might be a legitimate thing that could happen in the future. Not the Program part, because that would be insane to think about, but the outbreak thing. Of course, with the way the world is, they would just make the drugs stronger and stronger until no one could feel anything anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I take antidepressants. Because I actually need them. But, you have to admit that doctors are just giving pills out to anyone who comes into their offices like throwing medication at it will make them go away. I tried therapy first, then medication, then I tried getting myself off the medication. I ended up having multiple breakdowns, slept 14 hours a day, and basically gave up on my own life (at the same time scaring the shit out of my parents and friends). In the end, the medication was the best thing for me. But at least I tried other things first. I didn't WANT to be on medication. Ask anyone, I HATE having my life and happiness depend on a pill every day. But without it, I cease to function. Literally. I just stop.

I am definitely not saying that now I am the epitome of mental health. Far from it. But I have a job and I get up every day. I even manage to socialize every once in a while. Sort of.

I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into a personal account of my pathetic life, but this book duo made me think about myself a little bit. I found myself mentally telling the characters "Hey, get over it." when I know for a fact that it's not that easy. That's what people have been telling me for years and I know how it looks from both sides now.

All in all, I really enjoyed these books.

2014 Reading: The Program

I saw these on the shelf and I thought "Huh..." so I decided to try them out. I'm glad I did.

The subject matter is kind of weird to me, but I think that's what makes me like it so much. It describes depression and suicide as this contractable disease that spreads through teenagers like mono. Where just being exposed to it can put you on alert because you WILL get it next, no exceptions. Having been through some depression, I know that it doesn't work that way. But, still... sometimes looking at it this way, I feel like this is how the rest of society looks at it (the people who are idiots anyway). I don't think the concept of the story is bad, though. It's a lot deeper than that.

It sort of reminded me of my thoughts on Carrie Fisher's second book where she talks about how ECT has helped her a lot, but it also makes gaps in her memory. The premise of "The Program" is basically the exact same. They want to take away all the things that might have been triggers for depression, but when you come right down to it, those triggers might be in everything around you, even the happy things.  So if you get rid of them, what is left? Do you just go on and start again, not remembering ANYTHING from before? Will you never really know who you are again? Forget all the people you've met and relationships you've had, good and bad?

Would that really be the best thing? I would think that a person would be even more depressed after something like that. If I were to wake up tomorrow and not remember who my friends are (or were back in high school), if I could never remember falling in love for the first time (and the heartbreak that came with it), if I forgot pets or vacations or books and movies... I think that above everything else would be the thing that would make me close to ending everything. Because the past is what makes you who you are. Without that, you're just an empty shell.

I don't think I could handle that.

I guess some people wouldn't mind the chance to start over with a clean slate. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to focus on...  Plus, there's the whole underlying moral of the book that true love can last through anything, even the loss of memories, but still... I tend to focus on the weird/darker things before I can get it into my head that I'm just supposed to be entertained.

There's a sequel, which I have just started so I know that I might have more on this subject, but those are the things that I'm thinking of right now.

2014 Reading: Horns

I saw the preview for this movie and I have to admit, I got really excited for it. I had never heard of it and I didn't even know it was a book until it came across the desk at work and I got it out right that second. I'm excited to see Daniel Radcliffe do something like this. I want to see him do darker things (I don't count the Woman in Black, because I want tough, cursing Daniel). I also had no idea that Joe Hill is Stephen King's son.

You can tell where he gets his sense of humour from, though.

I found myself laughing during parts of this book. I think it was the dry, dark humour of the main character that appealed to the funny little part of my brain that laughs at inappropriate things. Schadenfreude.

On the whole, it was a very entertaining book and I am anxious to see if some of my favorite bits will be translated on the screen.

There were some good parts about religion in there, too. (I'm guessing "Joe" at least shares some of his views with his dad). Why do we think of the devil as an enemy? If God warns us not to sin because it's bad and Lucifer punishes sinners, wouldn't you think they are working together? Two sides of the same industry? Going toward the same goal?

The ending, I thought, was also a good fit for something like this. It doesn't end all sunshine and roses because it's just not that kind of story. It ends like most things do: quiet and final, with as much realism as something like this can. People die, other people move on, and secrets are never really found out so that the rest of the world is better off. It just... ends.

Like life.

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Night of the Comet

I don't think the people in this movie realize the severity of their situation.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Night of the Comet (1984)

2014 Reading: A Brother's Journey

In some ways it was good that I read this right after A Child Called "It". It was fresh in my memory and any of the facts that were written in one book, I could easily compare it to that last book.

In other ways, I think I should have waited a little while. I think I held such sympathy for David that hearing any other tale, even if it agreed with it, was difficult for me. I know that a part of my brain was thinking that Richard deserved what he got, and I know for a fact that that is wrong, wrong, wrong. No one deserved that. Still, a selfish little part of my brain wanted him to suffer like David did. Does that make me a horrible person?

This book was not really as detailed as the other, but the feelings evoked were similar. More than anything, it re-iterated the fact that the mother was very, very sick and that the figures of authority in and around the area where these people lived was despicable. The police in the area only took away the one child from an abusive, alcoholic parent with no income and a history of violence? They left four other boys there with her? And the other people around ignored the behavior as it was repeated a second time? Teachers? Principals? Doctors?

What the fuck was wrong with this town?!

I understand that it was San Francisco in the 70's, but holy shit...

Also, one thing that didn't sit right with me was the ending of the book. You never learn what happens to Richard. He's still living with her at the end of the book and you never find out if he stays until he leaves for college, or if he gets out sooner, or if the mom moved on to yet another son with her abuse...

I need to know these things, guys. For science. And my own piece of mind (AKA: my creepy case of Schadenfreud).

I think I'm done with books about child abuse for a while. (Edit: That's a lie. I have one more to get through right now. Don't judge me.)