*NEW VIDEO!* Lame Lame-y Lame Lame

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Happy Birthday To Me

This is one of those movies that I've seen little bits of parodies and things all my life, but have never actually watched the original movie. I know they made references to it on an episode of Supernatural (complete with Dean tried to a chair with a jaunty little party hat) but this was the very first time I just sat down and watched it.

Happy Birthday To Me (1981)

I think the main thing that bothered me about this movie was that you were never quite sure of anyone's dating status. I just assumed they passed each other back and forth like solo cups at a frat party and called it "hanging out."

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Bloody Birthday

So, this is kind of like a 'Village of the Damned' situation... only with psychopaths instead of aliens.

Bloody Birthday (1981)

2014 Reading: Chocolat

I started Chocolat by Joanne Harris back in February. This was another one of those books that I started but then just couldn't read at the time for some reason or another (most likely because of stress or something akin to it).

I saw the movie ages ago and I don't really remember anything about it other than Johnny Depp as a hot gypsy and Alfred Molina as a priest. Going into the book, I really had nothing to go on. It's one of those books that took the cover of the movie and made it the cover of the book, so just by looking at it you'd think it was some sensual comedy with sass and chocolate.

...

Some parts were actually quite intense.  The main character and her struggle with the death of her mother (which a reader can plainly see she still hasn't gotten over despite years passing and having a child of her own). The concept of religion plays a heavy role, as some of the chapters come in the form of a confession-type prose from the priest of the small French town in which the book is set.

Chocolate is evil, kids.

Jesus wants you to starve yourself and suffer rather than have chocolate. Remember that.

But then you get into the lives of some of the other people in the town.  You get the man (who burns down someone's houseboat) who's beating his wife (who is a klepto). You get the overly religious fashionista Mom who wants to control everyone's life (including her own mother and son).  The man who seems overly attached to his dog.  Then you get the priest (who burned down another houseboat when he was a kid) who insists on going to talk to an old man (his former priest) in a coma whom he once saw having sex with his mother in the rectory of the church.

WTF even is this book?

It doesn't really seem to have a plot either. Just a LOT of descriptions of different chocolate dishes (in italicized French BTW) and then plotless plot surrounding inevitable doom. And by "doom" I mean that what she thinks is this horrible life outcome is absolutely not.

And then it ends with a note of "meh" as she talks about the winds changing and internally debates whether she should keep her extremely successful chocolate shop or pack up her daughter and live on the road running from something that doesn't exist.

I wish I were joking.

Whatever. I read it. I liked certain parts. And I think the movie is VASTLY different, from what I remember. Maybe I'll go watch it again to be sure. But I won't hurry.

F@%k My iPhone.

Alright everyone, listen up and let me tell you a thing.

A few days ago, my phone speakers stopped working. Just... stopped. I could get no sound to come out. I could still talk on the phone and the headphones still worked, but nothing would come out of the speaker.

I did what any strong, intelligent, modern woman does when this happens.

I told my Dad.

We looked it up and apparently, this had been a problem with the iPhone5. I let him play with it and we both respectively tried everything to try and get it to work again. Nothing. Nada.

Finally, he called Apple and told them the problem. They agreed to send a new one (since mine is still under warranty), they'll put a temporary charge on his credit card for the price of the new phone and I would send my defective one back. They would then take the charge off his card. Easy.

So now the game was to wait for the new one to arrive in the mail (which we learned was gonna be Monday).

Two days go by and I'm surviving with no sound. No big deal, just have to pay more attention for vibrating.

This evening, I'm sitting in my room watching TV, and I notice a something. I mute the TV and listen...

My phone alarm is going off.

WTF? TWO DAYS?! TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!! And then it just fucking works again...

And now he's gonna get charged $650 for a new phone I don't need. Because if I return my phone fully functional, they'll just assume we wanted a new phone and charge him anyway.

Needless to say, we are not very happy right now.

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Slaughter High

After all those long marathons of a single franchise, I decided to throw in some single movies so that I wouldn't have to remember facts and dates and stuff. So, the next few will be single or just double movies that I could watch and then promptly forget about in preparation for the next franchise.

This movie was kinda fun to watch. It really reminded me of something like Valentine where a kid gets picked on a lot in school and then gets revenge years later to all the people that made his life miserable.

Same basic principle, just with a creepy clown mask instead of a cherub.

Slaughter High (1986)

*NEW VIDEO!* Let's Talk About Psych

I know that the video falls really short, but there is SO much I could say about this show.

I love the random television and movie references, the appreciation to 80's and early 90's music that they just stick into the show at random points. The writers and cast have a sense of humor that is so similar to mine and I find myself having to pause it sometimes just so I can laugh out loud and not miss anything that's going on.

Plus, James and Dulé have such chemistry that you really do start to believe that they've known each other since they were in grade school.  Both of them are so talented.

Ugh, I'm seriously drawing a blank on what else I can say right now, but if you have not seen this show, please do. It is fucking fantastic and I think soon, I might go and watch the whole thing all over again.

So, I have a job now?

So, it looks like I have a job now...

I'm a librarian? Sort of?

I got the call on Wednesday afternoon and they wanted me to start the next day. Me, being me, didn't really want to jinx it by updating Facebook with something like "OMFG!!!1!! AH GOTS ME AH JOBB!!!!11?!!1!!!1!1!!!!" so I only texted a few people...

Maybe three...

Okay FOUR, I texted four people, so sue me.

With all the set backs in the last 2 1/2 years of unemployment, can you blame me for being a little hesitant in parading something like this to the masses (and by masses, I of course mean the 6 people that even bother reading the blog in the first place, and only then out of pity)?

I really wanted to get the first "week" out of the way before I said anything just so I'd know that it's really happening and not something elaborate that my brain has come up with because I'm in a delusional spiraling black hole of darkness. I'm having fun so far and I really hope it stays that way. But, like I said, didn't want to jinx it.

Not to mention, it's only a part time job (3 days a week). But, you know what? It's something that I KNOW I can do, it's in a place where I actually don't mind spending my time (in or out of work), and it's actually making me money that I can hoard as I stroke my monthly bank statement whispering "Precioussssssssssss."

So, I'm not going to let myself screw this up. I am going to actually do something I like, and if I have free time after that because of only working about 15 hours a week to start, then I can focus on maybe writing something or publishing something. I don't know.

Famous last words?

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Puppetmaster (franchise)

SO MANY CONTINUITY ERRORS!

There were just so many...

It's like the makers of all the sequels just DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER to watch the other movies in the franchise before they began writing the scripts.

I had heard about these movies for years from a good friend of mine who loves crappy horror movies as much as I do and I must say, I was a bit surprised and kind of felt a little gypped. The little puppets were not the bad guys like I previously thought. Honestly, I think that might have been more terrifying. Seriously, imagine tiny little dolls that look like Tim Burton nightmares running around your feet and trying to kill you. (Oh, wait... that's "Demonic Toys")

As it turns out, the little guys were good and managed to save the day more than once, despite GLARING inaccuracies in timeline and story consistency.

Puppetmaster (1989)

Puppet MasterII: His Unholy Creation (1991)

Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)

Puppet Master IV: The Demon (1993)

Puppet Master V: The Final Chapter (1994)

Puppet Master VI: Curse of the Puppet Master (1998)

Puppet Master VII: Retro Puppet Master (1999)

Puppet Master VIII: The Legacy (2003)

Puppet Master IX: Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004)

Puppet Master X: Axis of Evil (2010)

Puppet Master XI: Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012) 

 They couldn't even number them right!

Also, why is the first one "Puppetmaster" (all one word) and all the rest of them are "Puppet Master" (two words)?

(Extra note: This series contained a crossover movie with the characters from "Demonic Toys" and therefore, I will be getting to that franchise sooner or later as well.)

*NEW VIDEO!* Biggest Loser - An Update

I don't know if some of you have been reading the blog lately, but there have been changes happening.

I moved back in with my parents. This was, however, after an EXTENSIVE round of even more job interviews that didn't pan out despite spending hours and hours in the car driving back and forth between this and that.

I am le tired.

I did manage to finish a book (the review is up in a past entry) and make today's video amidst unpacking and cleaning and spending a little time with friends and throwing shit away and selling stuff on eBay and just generally reevaluating pretty much every single one of my life choices.

We'll see how this latest string of job interviews go before I make any further plans, though.

Anyway, so here's the update:

Next week: Psych!