2014 Reading: Coraline

This book was fucking creepy.

I am not even joking. It's one of the kind of books that makes you look at Neil Gaiman and go "WTF is wrong with you, dude?" but then you remember that it's this guy:

and you are no longer surprised.

Now, the thing that always got me about the movie (which I would NOT suggest watching if you are in anyway inebriated or *ahem* under the effects of any other synapse altering past times) is the lack of a plot.

The book doesn't help. Yes, it was a good fast read (finished it in an afternoon in the middle of another book) with creepy things that would scare the shit out of my if I were the type. But, there was no real story there. It's terribly British like that. Coraline is just a girl who gets thrown into a weird, not-quite-right world where the people have button eyes and she just is all like "Well, this is different" instead of, say, running and screaming her fucking head off when inanimate objects start moving and talking to her about how her other mother stole their souls and locked them in the closet. She sits down and drinks tea with a monster mother and is just all like "Okay."

British. So very, very, very, British.

I liked it, though. Picked it up at the library on a whim when I saw it in the children's section (where I do NOT agree it should go, BTW... shit's terrifying) and handed it back the next day.

2014 Reading: I Know What You Did Last Summer

It took me WAY longer than it should have to read this book. I try using my new job as an excuse, but I WORK IN A LIBRARY. PART TIME. I'm just really fucking lazy and that's all there is to it. Plus, I gotta keep up with the million and two shows that I watch on a weekly basis.

Okay, so, I Know What You Did Last Summer by Lois Duncan. Saw the movie oh so many years ago, never actually knew it was a book until one of my good friends (the same one who knows how much I love shitty 80's horror movies) gave it to me. It was a tiny little thing so I thought I would squeeze it into my list as I actively avoid one of the other books that I am just dreading to pick up. Hell, I even read ANOTHER book IN THE MIDDLE of this one, just to have another excuse to NOT pick up this one book, which I think I am just going to throw out because I no longer give two shits about it.

BUT ANYWAY, back to I Know What You Did Last Summer (which is seriously the longest title ever for a book that is only about 199 pages.

My first serious thought while I was reading this was "Who the fuck talks like this? These people are, like, high school seniors..." Seriously, who says shit like "Why, if that's the sort of thing you can find at the Good Will Shop, I'm going to start shopping there too."? Never mind that it's not even punctuated properly. There are a bunch of other things in there, too, I'm just too mazy to find them.

It has a kind of vocabulary and speech pattern that is just vague enough to be considered up-to-date, but with tiny little differences that just seem wrong if you were to say them out loud to yourself (which I am wan to do when something confuses me while I'm reading).

So I checked the publication date: 1973

!!!!!

I had NO idea that this book was that old.

Still holds up, though. Quick little read that is sort of predictable from the beginning, but you want to follow through just to make sure anyway.

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Monster Dog

Really?

Really...?

This movie was so horrible that it just became awesome again.  I like Alice Cooper, I really do. I've heard he's a nice guy (I know someone who met him) and he's very intelligent and well spoken outside of his stage persona, but this movie...

Wow.

It was seriously an hour and a half excuse for some new music videos and a bad interpretation of The Wolf Man. They even used a picture of Lon Chaney Jr. in the "ancient" text that told them that werewolves were a thing.

Monster Dog (1984)

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Chopping Mall

This one, I had seriously never even heard of before. It was a suggestion from my friend and I was so excited to watch it!

And then I wasn't.

It sort of reminded me of 'Short Circuit' gone wrong and mixed a little with 'Dawn of the Dead.' Dangers of technology and the machines that become self aware and hostile all the while trapped in a shopping mall with no one to help you.

Chopping Mall (1986)

*NEW VIDEO!* Lame Lame-y Lame Lame

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Happy Birthday To Me

This is one of those movies that I've seen little bits of parodies and things all my life, but have never actually watched the original movie. I know they made references to it on an episode of Supernatural (complete with Dean tried to a chair with a jaunty little party hat) but this was the very first time I just sat down and watched it.

Happy Birthday To Me (1981)

I think the main thing that bothered me about this movie was that you were never quite sure of anyone's dating status. I just assumed they passed each other back and forth like solo cups at a frat party and called it "hanging out."

Shitty 80's Horror Movie Review: Bloody Birthday

So, this is kind of like a 'Village of the Damned' situation... only with psychopaths instead of aliens.

Bloody Birthday (1981)